No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
