he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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