I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
