Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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