Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
PANTIES FOUND
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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