i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Randomize
