I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
