You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
