p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
