he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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