Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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