I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
