his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
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