i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
