hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
