apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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