ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
