Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
