This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
