All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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