you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
third nipple confirmed
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
