Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Randomize
