I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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