The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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