the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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