In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
