If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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