I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
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