I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
