Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
