Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
