farters have to be the big spoon...
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
