i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
