It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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