I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
you made out with another girl for some wings
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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