Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
