it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
this beer tastes like vomit already
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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