They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
