He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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