I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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