I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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