Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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