Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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