what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
