Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
