he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
