My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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