My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
