had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
is that a dick in a sweater?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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