At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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